dear future husband...

this is my personal letter to my future husband :)

Dear future husband,

I really don’t know when you’ll arrive. But when the right time comes, I am hoping you’ll ease all my fears and wrap your arms around me, don’t be shocked if I cry a little because I’ve been waiting for you so many years. I may not know who are you right now, but I am sure God gave me you because you and I were born for each other.  Don’t be stunned if I am too demanding, may I request 3 things to you? Would you please be HONEST, FAITHFUL and LOVE me UNCODITIONALLY see how demanding your wife is? Future husband sana  dumating ka sa tamang panahon, sa tamang oras at sa tamang pagkakataon, sana dumating ka para itama ang mga mali ko sa buhay, sana  ikaw ang katuparan ng mga pangarap ko, hindi man siguro ako tulad ng karamihang nakilala mo pero may mga bagay na alam kong kaya kong ibigay sayo at yun lang ang maipapangako ko. Mamahalin kita habang buhay, aalagaan, po-protektahan at iingatan ituturing kitang yaman. Sisiguraduhin kong araw-araw magiging meaningful ang buhay natin ng magkasama. Simple lang naman ang gusto ko sa buhay—ang makasama ka sa pag tanda ko, sana kahit kulubot na ko at wala ng ngipin ako parin ang beauty queen ng buhay mo J. Wag mo sana kong sasaktan kasi graduate na ko dyan. Gusto kong malaman mo na ikaw ang magiging lakas at kahinaan ko, sayo ako huhugot ng lakas pag may problema ako at ikaw ang magiging dahilan ng kasiyahan ko. Siguro pag nakita kita iiyak lang ako sa likod mo at yayakapin kita hanggang umaga habang nagpapasalamat kay God sa pagdating mo sa buhay ko. Gusto kong mabuhay kasama ka. Alam mo future husband, kung ikaw ang and destiny ko hinding hindi kita pakakawalan, hindi ako magsasawang mahalin ka at ibibigay ko sayo lahat dahil mahal na mahal kita J kelan kaya kita makikilala? Saan? Anong oras? Hihintayin kita ha J kahit gaano katagal.

Love,

Future wife J

Mar 2012

who am i?

as far as i can remember i am 100% catholic, both my parents were catholic as well as my immediate relatives. but these past few 3 years of my life i was like confused about "my religion" does it really matters? because for me it's not about your religion, it's about your relationship to God. when i met him i knew he was a servant of God not to mention his family's dedication on what they are and what they have. july 2010 he asked me to join him to  venerate and i was like "what? what am i going to do? hey i'am catholic" at first i was hesitant to join but then he finally convinced me, the whole experience was full of shocked and revelations. they started it with a prayer and a welcome song for the newly attended bothers and sisters they were  all clapping, waving, singing and dancing to the worship songs and they offered what they called "ikapu" it means offering. according to him, all of us should give at least 10% of our monthly earnings-- it's written on the bible he says. on the latter part, i realized its about time for me to speak out what really inside of my heart and mind-- i don't want to do this anymore 2 years was long. let me correct what  you might be thinking, i didn't regret anything as a matter of fact i am very thankful because it changed me a lot, from my perception to my heart down to my soul especially in times of darkness. i'm somehow bothered because last night a good friend were telling a love story of my brother, i asked how come they broke up he said "rica is a born again christian" and my brother chose to stay to be a catholic. somehow its true-- people doesn't need to change their religious beliefs over love, better if people both respect love and religion.

bye- for good

i really don't know what to feel right now, i am shallow and restless. i don't know what to feel. am i acting like giving him another chance? am i about to end  this "ate/kuya" relationship, am i hurting someone else's feelings? am i demanding? or am i assuming? am i doing something wrong behind my love's back? though i know i'm not. i really wanted to ended up this rapport-- unfortunately i don't know what to do and what to say. but i know i have to, not because i have to but i need to-- for good (on both parties) i don't want to hurt someone, i have a different reputation.

one step backwards

bakit bumalik ka pa? para ano? para saan? 6 years ago mahal kita, 6 years ago ikaw lang ang buhay ko 1 year after may kasama ka ng iba, pinili mong lumayo. after 6 years nagpaparamdam ka, para saan? hindi ko maintindihan. tapos ngayon sasabihin mo you're falling in love with me again? that's bullshit! i hate liars like you, i hate the way you talk, i hate the way you care for me- you're not even my boyfriend so stop acting like one. stop being so demanding- that's not even working. are you trying to make fun of me? i tell you one more time, don't bother to care for me as if you can, don't bother to say that you love me coz you're not, don't bother to say you'll wait for me coz you can't. leave me alone. let me live my life. i have already forgotten you, i definitively moved on. so all you need is one step backwards. and live your chosen life-- to your chosen person and don't involve me on your chosen dreams. 

happy nth birthday maan

it's been 2 years ago i think when my good friend maan joined our creator from heaven. happy birthday lovely girl :) i've seen you on my dreams last night you give me a hug and i missed it so much. i now you're in a good hand now may you rest in peace forever and continue to look after you family and us your friends. sorry i wasn't able to attend your funeral ceremony, but you were in my prayers. iloveyou so much maan, i really miss you a lot. happy nth birthday :)