smile from heaven

have you ever imagine to fall in-love to a person that only have 81 days to live? if you are thinking that i am making this story for the sake of boredom- i am telling you to step out. but if you are interested and willing to spend a minute to read my love story i thank you from the deepest nerve of my heart :). here it goes. 

8 years ago (2004)  i was in my senior year being a high school student. i met "jc" (forgive me to hide his real name for privacy- somehow) he's my classmate back then, unlike other lovers out there we didn't started as friends meaning i don't know anything about him. that time i heard a lot of rumors regarding his love life but i don't give much attention on that. one day i was shocked when i received a sms from him at first i was thinking that he just want me to to be one of "those" girls that he flirted with. like the usual move that a man could do he asked me first if i have a boyfriend..and so on and so forth. on the latter part, we exchanged messages every day, knowing that he's just my classmate, i never knew that he's courting me already i was not mature enough that moment. to make the story short. yes we ended up lovers- official couple maybe. 

after graduation, we had a hard time to see each other because i belong to a family that has a stern mother and over protective brothers. our only way to communicate is sms. but we make sure to have a memorable celebration of our anniversary, the usual thing- we exchanged gifts, we eat together but, we didn't go out to watch movies or to buy clothes and stuff. i considered my relation to jc very boring, we see each other very often but i know inside my heart that i love him the most.

on our 3rd year anniversary i went to their house to visit him, upon entering his room i noticed that he's really weak, meaning he's just lying down on his bed and totally lost his appetite according to his mom he's not eating for two days. i told his mother quickly to bring jc to the hospital to check what's he's real condition and he say "don't worry love, soon i'm gonna be okay (while trying to smile like this) ^____^". that words made me feel something to be afraid of. when i got home i texted him to eat and to drink his medicine. days and weeks passed without me by his side because i have a lot of school work to do. the day after the submission, while i am taking my exam i received a message from him saying "good luck love i know you can make it! (with a smile again like this ^___^) i called him to say thank you, when he answered i didn't understand his voice i asked him if he's okay and he said "of course i'm okay, love can you come here after school? i have something to tell you but don't worry it's not a bad news" and i just replied a short okay. 

october 31, 2007 when i arrived he's lying down at his bed i gave him a kiss and a warm and tight embrace. he didn't waste time to say his message to me his right hand covered my eyes, his left hand hold my hand tight and he put my head on his shoulder and this is the exact word he said:

"love, sa lahat ng nagawa kong pagkakamali, ikaw lang ang tama. sorry sa mga panahong wala ako 'pag kailngan mo ko. mahina na ko love. ilang araw na lang baka pati ikaw makalimutan ko na. love sorry tinago ko sayo. may cancer ako love. love ang sakit sakit 'pag may pasalubong ka pero hindi ko malasahan, ang sakit sakit 'pag tumatawag ka at sinasabi kong okay ako. sorry naging makasarili ako. sorry hindi ko inisip ang mararamdaman mo. love 'pag nawala na ko. gusto ko humanap ka ng taong magmamahal sayo ng higit pa sa binigay ko sayo yung taong mamahalin ka dahil matakaw ka, dahil makulit ka, dahil lagi kang nadadapa. wag mo na kong isipin love. ilang araw na lang magpapahinga na ko ng panghabang buhay. gusto ko muna ngayon dito ka lang sa tabi ko baka ito na kasi ang huling yakap ko sayo, lagi mong tatandaan. mahal na mahal kita higit pa sa buhay ko. ikaw ang nag tama ng buhay ko, binigyan mo ko ng dahilan para lumaban sa sakit na to. love lagi mo kong bibisitahin ha, isumbong mo parin sakin ang mga umaaway sayo. tatakutin ko sila. love sorry talaga kasi kailangan ko ng iwan ka. sorry kasi hindi ko na matutupad yung pangarap natin na makapag diving at mag bungee jumping. sorry kung dadating yung oras na pag gising mo wala ka ng mababasang good morning love rise and shine. sorry love kasi baka wala na ko sa graduation mo. sorry love. i'm really really sorry. mahal na mahal kita. haaaa! love okay na nasabi ko na halika na kain na tayo anong pasalubong mo??"

upon typing and reminiscing those words i stopped for about 20 minutes to cry and have the courage to continue. after hearing those heart breaking words i don't have any words to say even "why?" nothing. at all. i just embrace him and cry 'til i midnight. i didn't let go my tiny arms to his very warm body. january 13, 2008 he already left me nothing but only with his promises, his love, his craziness, his memories, his box that has a note "follow the instructions love. wag matigas ulo ha ^___^"  (oh i really miss those heart melting smile). during his wake i was just sitting beside his coffin. looking at him, hoping that he is in a better place. sometimes i'm just lying at the glass of the coffin wishing that that is just a dream. january 17, 2008 his interment and our 4th and last anniversary. i opened the box with a lot of gifts from him. new year's gift, valentine's gift, birthday gift, graduation gift, christmas gift and anniversary gift. i cried..and cried..and still cried. i am praying for strength that night. i regret those days that i wasn't with him . i hope i could turn back time. sorry guys the camera that i've used to captured jc's memories were  snatched at north edsa. jc my love wherever you are happy 8th year anniversary i love you, i keep on praying for your soul my sweetie thank you for smile last night you smile again like this ^__________^ i'm happy for you because i know you are in a good hand.