forgiven

I wrote this a week after I went to Dumaguete and you messaged me on facebook, I don’t have enough courage to send this to you before because I just really don’t know how to :)

Hi Jom!

Hope all is well. We haven’t talk and see each other for 6 long years. How were those past years?

…how was your family?

…how were your son and your wife?

…how was your life after me?

I’m really sorry for the tough actions I've showed when you first approached me on facebook. Forgive me if I have to be harsh on you, I hope you understand that the pain you brought in me is not a joke that can easily remove the bad memories and now a scar. Sorry if it took me 5 years to forgive you for all the things you've done, sorry if I missed to tell you how thankful I am to have you before and to thank you for the good memories you tend to share with me.

I’ll let you know what happened after you left. Nothing to feel about okay? :)

It was November 2008, supposed to be our 5^th year anniversary when you were no longer texting me, at first I thought it was normal but suddenly days goes weeks, weeks goes months, months goes years and years reaches end. That time I learned to wait. My 20^th birthday came without you greeting me, I was hopeful that time that you will come and pick me up on school or at least text. But then, I waited for no one.

I spent most of my time crying on classroom wondering where you are during those days. Again, I’m still waiting. My friends told me to visit you at your house and confront you but I was so afraid to see and face the truth. I refused their suggestions to see you and decided to wait again because I believe in you.

Holiday season came and I’m still waiting for you. I keep on texting you hoping that you will answer me back. Everyone told me that you already have someone by then, it was so painful but I have to accept that you were no longer in love with me and so I decided to move on.

Back then, it was really difficult to accept my fate with you. I moved on full of anger and hatred, telling myself that I will never ever forgive you. But as years goes by, I learned to forgive people. I understand the essence of life and how to nurture it...and so I forgive.

5 years after without any reason, you messaged me on facebook. Honesty, I really don’t know what to say, because for me you are not existing and already forgot 4 years of my life shared with you.

I have to speak straight forward and rude. Sorry. I thought I can stand with conviction that I’m rude but I can’t and it gets difficult to pretend when you keep on telling me that “hindi ako sanay na ganyan ka kataray” because yes I am not mataray. I was so surprised that you still knew my boo-boos about milk and butterflies.

You’re forgiven :)  it’s been half a decade now so it’s about time to forget those. Don’t worry I’m sincere. I wish you a happy and fulfilled life, Jom. Give your son a good future and your partner a good life. I hope you learned all your lessons. I am not expecting you to be my friend, it might be awkward for you so don’t worry I understand. Thank you for spending time reading this.

Wishing you all the happiness,

Happy