gone

I'm alone. I'm left. I'm disappointed. God you know how hard it is for me to accept this. I am trying to be strong not just for myself but for my future. He left me--actually we left each other willingly.

 "do not put your happiness in someone else's hand, because when he left so as your happiness"

granted

 Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and show thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not.

-Jeremiah 33:3

I miss writing on my blog. I was so busy paying attention on my new job. Just this morning I realized I’m turning 24 soon, and then I think again, a few months ago I remember promising myself to look for a job wherein I’ll have a stable source of income. My 6^th month is on December, and on the same month I’ll be turning 24. What life will bring to me? That I don’t know…that will surely depend on God’s will. I am praying again for the progress of my career in advertising, as I am embracing this path I am taking. I love the environment, I love the nature, I love the pressure, I love the people, I love the salary of course and these things I love were all at my prayers few months ago. God really knows what is good for us; I am very much thankful for all the blessings I’m receiving. From my family, my friends, neighbors, colleagues, partner, work, pet, etc. So true, if you ask, he’ll answer. Just come. Just ask. Just pray. He will never let you down. :) keep praying everyone. 

hold on

dearest,

though there were times you made me cry and gets me upset, i want you to know that i am giving you one last chance-- chance to prove me that i am wrong, chance to bring back the trust that you broke for just a second, chance to bring back my feelings towards you. you know how very disappointed i am for what you did, you witnessed how many tears i'd shed that night because i can't explain my feelings, i can't imagine you did it-- you did cheat on me you shit!, you know i have respect and trust on you but now it all fades away. before that night ended, you promised me  you'll be honest, that you'll say everything and not going to hide again. since i love you i believe...again. but when i'm alone i realized it was also me made a mistake, i didn't let you explain (but you dins't even utter any) :( so sad why men are like this. you keep on promising and we stupid make believe. dearest, let me remind you and i am damn so serious THIS WILL BE YOUR LAST CHANCE! hey please pay attention on this :( i love you but please be careful, include me on your decisions, consider me on actions. you know how hard it is for us, let's work on this and save until we can-- but if not, let's not push it through, it's awkward to love when we're in doubt. i'm still hanging on...i still believe...i will...as long as i can...as long as we can...as long as you love me...

answered prayer

thank you God for granting my wishes, finally. i know this opportunity you gave will help me to be a better person and it'll mold me into much grown colleague to others. i promise to treasure this new career you've given, i'll strive and work hard to prove myself that i can do things beyond my limits. yesterday, my final interview for the vice president for marketing and luckily, my experiences impressed her. and so, they gave mo job offer. that very short moment made me a quick decision to sign and accept the responsibility as advertising account manager. i thank you God for your faithfulness in me. way back weeks ago in st. catherine cathedral in dumaguete, i prayed for this opportunity. i talked to you as if your just in front of me, i said please give me job wherein i can excel on my chosen field and earn money so i can help others especially the rbi kids. i thank you God for everything, i promised to keep my promise, i promise to work so hard to keep this job on my hand, i promise to be a good person, i promise to help others. i may broke some of my promises but you i know i'm trying to be a good human. Lord, thank you is not enough, i know you know how much thankful i am for this. please help those who pray for a career growth as well. guide me God to this new journey i am taking to. please lead me and give wisdom so i can work passionately. again, i thank you God for this new career. thank you. iloveyou. 

friendship

June 2006, 12 different people, 12 different attitudes, 12 different stories, 1 school, 1 classroom but 1 magnificent group formed.

We were freshman then when we crossed each other’s roads. Some were shy, some were not, some were funny, some were corny, some were rocks, some were lonely, some were left, some were afar but all of us were bound to be part of each other’s lives. ATOR, that’s what we called our barkada, like many other groups out there, destiny tests us and our capability to keep our friendship alive. There were times when we felt tired and decided to let go of this friendship, but we strongly believe in our pride, attitude and faithfulness to each other fortunately, we won the battle against destiny’s tests. 6 years and counting—that’s our goal, we promise to keep the fire on our friendship. By that and through that I learned that friendship is like a family it is a never-ending responsibility, therefore, treasure it with all your heart, keep it with all your soul and cherish every moment your with them after all we’ll realize that the friendship we've made many years ago is worth fighting for. I’m very grateful for having a barkada that laughs with me, cry with me, stays with me and listens to me whenever I needed to.

believe. pray. rejoice

lord,

please, if this is mine let it be.
please give me wisdom, courage, confidence and knowledge.
you know i pray so hard for this
please guide me
please give me this opportunity
i hope this path is the right direction i am taking
i know you'll give me what is good
i believe in you oh god
please guide me
thank you.

me

acne cure soap with tea tree oil

since i had a hard time looking for a product that will easily remove my zits, i went to a derma clinic and purchased this soap called Acne Cure's Pimple Soap with Tea Tree Oil (i haven't seen any pictures of it so forgive me) its very affordable but the smell isn't so good. initial reaction was mild, if you have a serious pimples and the redness is obviously severe it helps zits to dries up easily after 2 to 3 washes it dries up. hope this will work on you too. :)

confused.

i was a bit puzzled with what i have done this past 3 days. i have these questions inside my head

...am i negligent?

... am i hurting someone else's feelings? 

...am i being too selfish? 

... do i really know what love is?

...do i have to quit?

...do i need to...or do i have to?  

i have no idea what comes into my head why did i do that, as far as i remember i know my boundaries in life, i know my responsibilities being a friend and a lover. But why did i do that? i feel so sorry for hiding, for lying on you, for losing somehow feelings. honey i am so sorry for what i've done, maybe its true that i don't know how to love-- that it is only me i love and not you. 

...do i need time? to reflect

...do i need space? to miss you 

...do i need to let you go? to realize how important you are?

...do i need to be single? because im just so tired of being in a relationship 

i am so sorry...

forgive me.

i hope one day if you and i will be together forever, will have the courage to say this lies to you, i want to stay because i love you not because i just don't want to hurt you. 

i am not asking for a perfect relationship, all i want is a person who will stay with me forever.  

...a person who will put a smile on my face everyday

...a person who will comfort me in my most darkest day

... a person who accept me because this is me and i am being me

... a person who will not ask for many changes on me

... a person who won't insist things i don't want to do

... and a person who will appreciate my effort. 

im sorry.

so sorry.

i won't give up

dearest,

this letter is a simple reminder that despite the fact that i am imperfect and ideal girl for you. i won't give up. 4 years ago, you witnessed my most distressing day-  when he left me alone. 4 years after i am now happy with whom i love the most, its you! yes its you. thank you for loving me each day, for brightening up my eyes, for filling my empty heart. thank you for accepting me and our individual differences. this, i promise i won't give up. i will keep on holding your hands tight even on a toughest days, promise me you too will hold my hands tight and won't give up on everything.  just keep holding me. until we can.  until the end. i won't give up on you.

love,
me

question #15 (101 important questions to ask your life )

If you have one week left to live, what would you do? 

If my life has to expire in 168 hours I will surely live my life to the fullest, if there's any superlative statement to define 'fullest' then that should be it. This question is sort tough, but realistic. I always say this on my mind 'lord, if I will die today let me give at least an hour to apologize for what I did, to express my gratitude for what you've given me and a request to look after to the people whom I love the most'. A week is too short but I’ll certainly make it a momentous, extraordinary and blissful closing stage of my life. 

Day 1: I’ll quit on my job. Talk to my immediate superior and leave everything into the right place. Thank them for the laughter, for the good friendship built, for the hard core projects thank you! May you continue to provide our viewers, readers and listeners a one of a kind campaign! Kudos!

Day 2: Fix my room. Scrap my belongings that I don't need anymore, donate the clothes and books to the charity and give my coin bank to the kids on the street. Visit and say goodbye to my angles in RBI, thank you for giving me the chance to extend my purpose in life, you are all my angels. Kids, continue to fulfill your dreams, you may never see me but you never know how much you all touched my life. You are all gifted in many different ways, study hard and keep believing in your dreams. I pray that someday all of you see how beautiful our humanity is. iloveyou angels!

Day 3: Buy gifts for my family, friends and loved ones. Together, we’ll celebrate all important occasions in one day—on my last day. To celebrate your Birthday, Christmas, New Year, Valentines  etc., with me.

Day 4: Spend time with my friends. Out of town. Swimming. Get drunk. Get wild. Anything that means pleasure. Thank them for a good company, for the good friendship they’ve made with me, for molding me into a much grown person, for trusting me their secrets in life. Thank you! And please continue to write on my wall. Greet me during my birthdays, monthsaries, anniversaries and all occasions J

Day 5: Spend time with my love, in my dream land—Batanes. I swear before I die I must visit this smallest province, I want to breathe-in the freshness of his air, I want to walk on his streets, take a pictures on his solid houses (literally), buy and sip a coffee in his popular coffee shop, run like a kid, climb up in lighthouse while the air touches beneath my skin, sit down and look over the sunset in my dream land with my dream better half—the person I want to be with (hopefully). I kiss him with all my love—to feel that I seriously in love with him even his flaws. Hug him so tight to somewhat ease his fear that soon I’ll leave him, that the day after tomorrow he’ll no longer receive any message from me saying that I love him for the rest of my life. That after my leaving he’ll face challenges alone without me saying ‘love, you can do it!’ sorry for my shortcomings, for leaving him this early, for failing to fulfill his dream family with me, for not giving him kids. thank him for being such a wonderful person, for loving me unconditionally, for being my best friend, my lover, my enemy, my partner in crime. thank you for being you. Thank you for making me the princess of this lifetime. In the near future you’ll find someone you can build your dreams with—someone who’ll replace me I hope she’ll love you in her most faithfulness way. iloveyou and always take care of yourself. I’ll be watching over you iloveyou!

Day 6: Spend time with my family. Stay with them for my last day. Laugh with them, cry with them why this will going to happen, hug my muj and puj thank them for giving me a better life—education, life, home, happiness, support...everything! my siblings—for making me their nanny for almost 20 years (haha) may you continue to love our parents, take good care of them they are no longer young they need much attention from you in particular, thank you standing behind me through it all. Our dogs—for putting a smile on my face when they stare on me, the freedom are yours now! No one will make you pinch (sorry J). My nephews—for putting bliss in our family when you both dance, sing, eat, giggle, play etc., continue to study even more harder it’s for your future and always listen to your parents, tito and tita they'll guide you to be a better person. I’ll leave a picture with you both hoping someday you’ll visit me saying ‘tita here I am now, a renowned engineer, or a doctor, or a lawyer, or a pilot, or an artist or any dreams you want to become to as long as you’re happy with what you are doing. (Don’t get married yet!!!)

Day 7: The moment of truth. I’ll go to church. Sit. Look intently. Cry. Pray so hard. Asking for His forgiveness. Confess all my mistakes and accept my differences. Praying that if this day will end without me breathing anymore, look after my loved ones. Guide them each day, shower them more blessings, give them a happy life, hoping that they'll never forget me—that once in their lives I’ve touched them in so many different ways, to include me on their prayers for my peaceful rest in the arms of our God. To please accept me in your kingdom and thank you for giving me 23 years to live with the ideal family, ideal friends, ideal co-leagues, ideal job, ideal lover and ideal people. Thank you God for everything. I surrender my all to you. My time has come and my journey ends J

avery's bucket list

avery :) you are an angel 

an hour ago i was just sitting, yawning, downloading, listening, writing and all of a sudden i saw on yahoo news about this little angel-- avery lynn canahuati, a 5 month old baby from texas. oh god! i was so touched about her story, this little angel has a genetic disease which called SMA or spinal muscular atrophy. i salute to the parents of avery for giving her so much love and affection, a meaningful life even in a short span and unconditional love. may god continue to shower avery's parents more blessings as you help other kids suffering from this disorder. please visit  avery's blog site and keep supporting their campaign :). don't just read-- spread it!  and be aware. 

question #4 (101 important questions to ask your life )

 what are you most grateful in life? ...

honestly, i have gazillion reasons why i am grateful in my life. i am thanking god each day for giving me such blessings like family, friends, education, job, home, etc., and what i am grateful the most is how god give million chances-- chances to make each day different by simply being a better person.

parenthood is the most hardest job in the world

nay and tay,

in my 23 years of existence there are no enough words in this world created to explain how much i love you both. my life isn't enough to say thank you. thank you for raising me well, for providing me good education, for standing behind me through pains and happiness, for striving so hard just to let us endow what we need in life and without you both i am definitely not standing in this state of life. god is really good for he knows what is best, for he gave us responsible, loving, caring and protective parents like you, regardless of the thousand dilemmas, tons of tears shed and millions of words broke one of us into pieces we've done in the past-- that's the challenge given us and now we prove that we stand together as one like broom stick =). parents, now that your angels find their own partners in life and starting to create their own family i know you have burdens inside your heart-- who will care for both of you when you retire. smile =). hey! i am here, don't bother to ask me if i'll be sending you to home for the aged of course i definitely won't, i'll do my best in life to give you a meaningful, beautiful and peaceful retirement. you we're my babies. before, you are the one changing my diapers even if it stinks :), now i will-- with all my heart. before, you are the one carrying me, now i will pull your wheel chair and bring you wherever you want to-- with all my strength. before, you cooked and fed me, now i will-- with all my efforts. before, you brought me to luneta, now i will-- with all expense paid. before, you woke me up early and took me a bath, now i will-- with all my love and care. before, you spank me when i've done naughtiness, now i won't :) i will just smile while wiping your tears away because i know you'll say thank you. i know you we're no longer young  you feel aches here and there, your mood easily changes, your memories little by little fails to remember but don't worry i'll be your nurse, chef, teacher and even archivist =) . i just want you to know that i really do love you, though i haven't say those words to you often, i want you to remember these "don't worry, i am here" until your final stage comes, i am still here even you won't utter. i am here. salute! 

letter to a best buddy

lovely pat,

hi there :) i had so much fun for last night's girl talk, thank you for spending a night over a coffee with me, thank you for listening, thank you for the violent reactions, thank you for the advice-- i really do appreciate everything. i am pretty sure among then i know you are just a text away, i know in times when i needed someone to talk to your presence keep me comfort. i am so glad and thankful that i've met someone like you regardless of your hectic schedule. see you soon pat  :)

always and forever,

happy   

dream land

the famous lighthouse of batanes 

hey since batanes is my dream land am going to share few trivia's though i've never been there (finger crossed hopefully next year) anyhow, did you know that batanes has only 15,974, there is no gasoline station in there and ivatans (people in batanes) were love to drink beer and gin! ((yeah right) because of the cold temperature indeed. whew! batanes when will i see you? when will i walk to your streets? when will i eat your delicacies? when i will i smell the fresh air? when will i venerate in your famous churches? when will i buy on your famous "honesty cafe" ? when? answer me! damn. you have an expensive plane ticket :(. but! i'll do anything to see you soon :)

get involved

if you're going to slash and look what's inside my heart- that would be a happy with full of smile heart. god answered my prayer. i am looking for an institution wherein i can help, share and educate kids even adults. rbi or resources for the blind inc., is an institution helping kids who are visually impaired. i emailed them yesterday, i told them that i wanted to be part of the institution, they are very accommodating. i am going to visit the foundation this saturday, i want to look the environment, the people behind, the kids, the adults, the activities and all. i am very much excited to do this volunteer work. it makes me feel proud :) and by the way, if you want to help  to visually impaired you may click here and follow the instructions. small amount is a big help for them :)  thanks a lot. god bless us all!

everything is a choice

when someone asked for your help, don't hesitate to lend you ears and shoulders-- they trust you. and you inspired them :) 

i'm so blessed for earning his respect and trust on me, i was stunned yesterday when i received a text message with a very sad face, since i know what to do i called him to comfort yet to give words of wisdom based on my experience. i felt so flattered when he said a simple thank you-- thank you for staying around.  if i'm not mistaken during the time i needed someone to talk to i have no one-- but myself, then i learned to stand on my own, to fight every battle, to stay positive, to choose what's right and to fight what's worth fighting for. then i realized it's all a matter of choice. to be able to moved on you have to start within yourself, then fix your broken heart by loving yourself more than anyone and anything, by hiding those gifts and letters then you choose if you want to be happy or not. your action will depend on your choice.  

dear future husband...

this is my personal letter to my future husband :)

Dear future husband,

I really don’t know when you’ll arrive. But when the right time comes, I am hoping you’ll ease all my fears and wrap your arms around me, don’t be shocked if I cry a little because I’ve been waiting for you so many years. I may not know who are you right now, but I am sure God gave me you because you and I were born for each other.  Don’t be stunned if I am too demanding, may I request 3 things to you? Would you please be HONEST, FAITHFUL and LOVE me UNCODITIONALLY see how demanding your wife is? Future husband sana  dumating ka sa tamang panahon, sa tamang oras at sa tamang pagkakataon, sana dumating ka para itama ang mga mali ko sa buhay, sana  ikaw ang katuparan ng mga pangarap ko, hindi man siguro ako tulad ng karamihang nakilala mo pero may mga bagay na alam kong kaya kong ibigay sayo at yun lang ang maipapangako ko. Mamahalin kita habang buhay, aalagaan, po-protektahan at iingatan ituturing kitang yaman. Sisiguraduhin kong araw-araw magiging meaningful ang buhay natin ng magkasama. Simple lang naman ang gusto ko sa buhay—ang makasama ka sa pag tanda ko, sana kahit kulubot na ko at wala ng ngipin ako parin ang beauty queen ng buhay mo J. Wag mo sana kong sasaktan kasi graduate na ko dyan. Gusto kong malaman mo na ikaw ang magiging lakas at kahinaan ko, sayo ako huhugot ng lakas pag may problema ako at ikaw ang magiging dahilan ng kasiyahan ko. Siguro pag nakita kita iiyak lang ako sa likod mo at yayakapin kita hanggang umaga habang nagpapasalamat kay God sa pagdating mo sa buhay ko. Gusto kong mabuhay kasama ka. Alam mo future husband, kung ikaw ang and destiny ko hinding hindi kita pakakawalan, hindi ako magsasawang mahalin ka at ibibigay ko sayo lahat dahil mahal na mahal kita J kelan kaya kita makikilala? Saan? Anong oras? Hihintayin kita ha J kahit gaano katagal.

Love,

Future wife J

Mar 2012

who am i?

as far as i can remember i am 100% catholic, both my parents were catholic as well as my immediate relatives. but these past few 3 years of my life i was like confused about "my religion" does it really matters? because for me it's not about your religion, it's about your relationship to God. when i met him i knew he was a servant of God not to mention his family's dedication on what they are and what they have. july 2010 he asked me to join him to  venerate and i was like "what? what am i going to do? hey i'am catholic" at first i was hesitant to join but then he finally convinced me, the whole experience was full of shocked and revelations. they started it with a prayer and a welcome song for the newly attended bothers and sisters they were  all clapping, waving, singing and dancing to the worship songs and they offered what they called "ikapu" it means offering. according to him, all of us should give at least 10% of our monthly earnings-- it's written on the bible he says. on the latter part, i realized its about time for me to speak out what really inside of my heart and mind-- i don't want to do this anymore 2 years was long. let me correct what  you might be thinking, i didn't regret anything as a matter of fact i am very thankful because it changed me a lot, from my perception to my heart down to my soul especially in times of darkness. i'm somehow bothered because last night a good friend were telling a love story of my brother, i asked how come they broke up he said "rica is a born again christian" and my brother chose to stay to be a catholic. somehow its true-- people doesn't need to change their religious beliefs over love, better if people both respect love and religion.

bye- for good

i really don't know what to feel right now, i am shallow and restless. i don't know what to feel. am i acting like giving him another chance? am i about to end  this "ate/kuya" relationship, am i hurting someone else's feelings? am i demanding? or am i assuming? am i doing something wrong behind my love's back? though i know i'm not. i really wanted to ended up this rapport-- unfortunately i don't know what to do and what to say. but i know i have to, not because i have to but i need to-- for good (on both parties) i don't want to hurt someone, i have a different reputation.

one step backwards

bakit bumalik ka pa? para ano? para saan? 6 years ago mahal kita, 6 years ago ikaw lang ang buhay ko 1 year after may kasama ka ng iba, pinili mong lumayo. after 6 years nagpaparamdam ka, para saan? hindi ko maintindihan. tapos ngayon sasabihin mo you're falling in love with me again? that's bullshit! i hate liars like you, i hate the way you talk, i hate the way you care for me- you're not even my boyfriend so stop acting like one. stop being so demanding- that's not even working. are you trying to make fun of me? i tell you one more time, don't bother to care for me as if you can, don't bother to say that you love me coz you're not, don't bother to say you'll wait for me coz you can't. leave me alone. let me live my life. i have already forgotten you, i definitively moved on. so all you need is one step backwards. and live your chosen life-- to your chosen person and don't involve me on your chosen dreams. 

happy nth birthday maan

it's been 2 years ago i think when my good friend maan joined our creator from heaven. happy birthday lovely girl :) i've seen you on my dreams last night you give me a hug and i missed it so much. i now you're in a good hand now may you rest in peace forever and continue to look after you family and us your friends. sorry i wasn't able to attend your funeral ceremony, but you were in my prayers. iloveyou so much maan, i really miss you a lot. happy nth birthday :)

so sweet, short but meaningful.  :)

much love,

happy 

a penny saved is a penny earned

"do not love money, it will never love you back "

that's what i've learned when i started earning and spending money :) and one more thing. spend wisely :) rainy thursday everyone.

pimples 101

i am not yet satisfied to the result of human heart nature's product, or maybe i am just in a hurry to see the final result. i have noticed that my pimples were continuously pooping on my face and i am freaking out because this is my first time to have lots of zits in my entire life. and so i've decided to research for a product that has a mild scent, budget-friendly, and lots of good reviews then i've met panoxyl soap free cleanser

Php 180.00  for 60 ml. available in all mercury drugs outlet nationwide

i immediately give it a try  and i am quite happy to its reaction on my face, after using this cleanser i apply human heart nature's balancing toner after 10 minutes i put sebo de macho, for those who don't know sebo de macho is a scar remover made from philippines, it is made of an oily substance, it is very cheap, handy and easy to use  you have to apply this generously  to the affected areas. 

Php 15.00 and available in all mercury drugs outlet nationwide

so far, these two works well for me, my pimple marks lighten and my skin gets smoother. if you have any comments or questions with these feel free to leave a message and i will do my best to provide you an answer :) happy blogging everyone! keep safe.

do not let go of your values

what have you learned from the past?

yeah really, what have you learned from the past? have you really learned from the past? are there lessons that you might not forget? or was it just a memory to forget? we were trying to hide things that caused too much pain- and let the time flew them away into our memories, then we were trying to create new memories that will bring us back the courage to smile again and face another chapter of our lives. i was once like this, a year ago i've done mistakes that changed my life a lot- as time goes on and my age goes forward i've realized things that might lead me into a better me. first move?  to confess my sins to 'her' and asking for 'her' forgiveness, i'd pray a lot for guidance and courage to face those dark memories i've done. through God's help i know i can make it, i know i can win that battle. i decided to leave everything behind because i know that's what's best for me. after darkness there's a light that shine upon my face it's God i ask for His forgiveness, i promised not to do that sin anymore. little by little somehow i fail but He knows i am trying so hard to forsake that sin. i surrender my life to God, after confessing to Him it seems like i am ready to die any moment, i feel i am pure again and washed away those filthy inside me. it is true if you confess everything to Him and repent, God will forgive you just learn to reach Him and call His name- he won't let you down, He make you strong all the time, He will give you endless happiness, He will shower you millions of blessings. keep counting your blessings and spread the message of our Lord and we will live safe in His loving arms  forever. beautiful afternoon everyone :) keep safe! 

product review: human heart nature

okay here it goes. as promised i'll share with you my experiences to this product. first, human heart nature balancing facial wash click here for more info  the texture is not like any other product that's glue-like, this has a bamboo beads that cleans and exfoliates skin especially mine that has pimple marks. the smell is very mild, truly 100% natural, i can't even smell chemicals on it and after washing my face with this balancing facial wash it smoothed my skin. next is human heart nature balancing toner  click here for more info same with the facial wash the smell is very mild no chemical smell at all and it really cleanse my face. lastly, human heart nature sunflower seed beauty oil click here for more info this product i must say is the best seller of it's best for skin and hair too. i put this oil in the morning and before i go to sleep. so overall this products fits my combination type of skin but before this review ends, if you are planning to buy human heart nature do not be afraid to ask your dealer she  know the product, like in my case my first option is hydrating facial wash and toner but suddenly she asked if how old am i, according to her (actually based on her experience) hydrating facial wash and toner fits for oily skin and for 40 years old and up, i might get more pimples if i use hydrating facial wash and toner,t mine is combination so she suggests me that i must use balancing facial wash and toner instead of hydrating. then maybe she's right, she knows what's right for my skin type.  :)

eat.walk.love

 A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master...” 

― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

last night, i had fun. i really enjoyed your company. i love the way you smile, i love the way you annoyed me, i love the long walk, i love the way you hold my hand because i walked so slow, i love when you kissed me knowing that all those eyes of people looking behind us. i love the silence, the cooling breeze that touches through my skin. i love the way you asked 'are you okay' i really enjoyed it- yeah really. i did. though i make you mad. i'm so sorry for being pessimistic, sorry for thinking bad things. but you know how much i love you- you know i surrendered my all to you. i love you. please keep saying these words that makes my heart melt. please promise me that you'll love me until forever. i believe in you-in your words, in your tears and in your eyes. i do believe you. i love you. i had fun :) thank you. 

movie review: i am sam

this 2001 drama movie lead by an award winning actor sean penn pushes me through to share a review. this motion picture is about a father who is suffering for a developmental disability- sam (sean penn) he left by his wife rebecca after giving birth to lucy dawson (dakota fanning) because of his situation. with the help of his friends who has the same condition like sam they took care lucy very well but lucy sometimes feel embarrassed when her friends and schoolmates bullying her to have a "retard" father. on the advice of his friends, sam come to reach rita harrison (michelle pfeiffer) a lawyer that handled the case of sam. during the trial period lucy resides to her foster parents. sam moved to a place where lucy lived in to somehow see his daughter. there were nights that lucy ran into sam's apartment to sleep with him, while sam immediately returns her. during the trial sam breaks down when the counsel convinces him that he is not capable for being a father because he has an i.q of a 7-year old, his group of friends truly support him throughout with the help of her lawyer, and kind neighbor- anne. however, the foster family who planned to adopt lucy decided to return her to sam.

moral lesson? the capability of a person to love and to take responsibilities  is not being measured based on his i.q or even his disabilities, it is surely measured on the heart- the heart that can love unconditionally.

mangarap ka-- tuparin mo!

"One's destination is never a place, 

but new way of seeing things." - Henry Miller

sobra na yata akong obsess sa pagta-travel. feeling ko kasi sayang ang bawat panahon na lumilipas kung hindi ako kikilos at pupunta sa isang lugar na alam kong babago ng pagkatao ko. sabi nga sa 18 rules of living ni dalai lama once a year (or should i say as often as possible) go to someplace you've never been before. napaka daming lugar ang gusto kong puntahan (gumawa ako ng maikling listahan)


1. batanes
2. thailand
3. malaysia
4. cambodia
5. vigan
6. bohol
7. camiguin


gusto ng puso ko pumunta, gusto ng isip ko at gusto ng paa ko pumunta sa mga lugar na ito. gusto kong malaman kung ano ang natural nyang ganda. gusto ko syang makilala. gusto kong maging bahagi ng lugar na mapupuntahan ko. bago ako tumanda, malagas ang ngipin, pumuti ang buhok, kumulubot ang balat, maging kuba, at tuluyang malimot ang ala-ala bilang bata nais kong masabi sa sarili ko na "galing ako diyan". kaya habang kaya mo, gawin mo- puntahan mo. at tuklasin mo.  :) 

thailand-malaysia tour

am planning to visit thailand and malaysia this year. but, i am having a hard time to research for a good and budget friendly hotel and tour package. do you have any suggestions for me? i'd love to hear your travel tips especially those who visits thailand and malaysia. thanks a lot :)

human heart nature

after a not-so-long search for skin care products that may fit to my combination type of skin i found out  human heart nature all of their products are 100% no harmful chemicals and not even tested on animals. what i like the most is the product reviews of people who tried it and this pro-philippines, pro-poor and pro-environment is a must try products, this is also available in usa. i placed an order yesterday to an authorized dealer and according to her i will get the product on monday. rest assured that after trying the product i will definitely share my experience/s.  for more details about human heart nature click here happy blogging :) keep safe everyone :)

operation: total make over

i am now on my journey to hunt skin care products, new haircuts, fashion trends that budget friendly as well. as of this moment i jot down some products that will help me to look good- even better. so keep on visiting my blog site for further beauty hunting. and as soon as i have and tried the products i will post it here. but before we start those make over you need to BELIEVE in YOURSELF. i am hoping that you will share your beauty tips too. :) happy blogging every one :)

smile from heaven

have you ever imagine to fall in-love to a person that only have 81 days to live? if you are thinking that i am making this story for the sake of boredom- i am telling you to step out. but if you are interested and willing to spend a minute to read my love story i thank you from the deepest nerve of my heart :). here it goes. 

8 years ago (2004)  i was in my senior year being a high school student. i met "jc" (forgive me to hide his real name for privacy- somehow) he's my classmate back then, unlike other lovers out there we didn't started as friends meaning i don't know anything about him. that time i heard a lot of rumors regarding his love life but i don't give much attention on that. one day i was shocked when i received a sms from him at first i was thinking that he just want me to to be one of "those" girls that he flirted with. like the usual move that a man could do he asked me first if i have a boyfriend..and so on and so forth. on the latter part, we exchanged messages every day, knowing that he's just my classmate, i never knew that he's courting me already i was not mature enough that moment. to make the story short. yes we ended up lovers- official couple maybe. 

after graduation, we had a hard time to see each other because i belong to a family that has a stern mother and over protective brothers. our only way to communicate is sms. but we make sure to have a memorable celebration of our anniversary, the usual thing- we exchanged gifts, we eat together but, we didn't go out to watch movies or to buy clothes and stuff. i considered my relation to jc very boring, we see each other very often but i know inside my heart that i love him the most.

on our 3rd year anniversary i went to their house to visit him, upon entering his room i noticed that he's really weak, meaning he's just lying down on his bed and totally lost his appetite according to his mom he's not eating for two days. i told his mother quickly to bring jc to the hospital to check what's he's real condition and he say "don't worry love, soon i'm gonna be okay (while trying to smile like this) ^____^". that words made me feel something to be afraid of. when i got home i texted him to eat and to drink his medicine. days and weeks passed without me by his side because i have a lot of school work to do. the day after the submission, while i am taking my exam i received a message from him saying "good luck love i know you can make it! (with a smile again like this ^___^) i called him to say thank you, when he answered i didn't understand his voice i asked him if he's okay and he said "of course i'm okay, love can you come here after school? i have something to tell you but don't worry it's not a bad news" and i just replied a short okay. 

october 31, 2007 when i arrived he's lying down at his bed i gave him a kiss and a warm and tight embrace. he didn't waste time to say his message to me his right hand covered my eyes, his left hand hold my hand tight and he put my head on his shoulder and this is the exact word he said:

"love, sa lahat ng nagawa kong pagkakamali, ikaw lang ang tama. sorry sa mga panahong wala ako 'pag kailngan mo ko. mahina na ko love. ilang araw na lang baka pati ikaw makalimutan ko na. love sorry tinago ko sayo. may cancer ako love. love ang sakit sakit 'pag may pasalubong ka pero hindi ko malasahan, ang sakit sakit 'pag tumatawag ka at sinasabi kong okay ako. sorry naging makasarili ako. sorry hindi ko inisip ang mararamdaman mo. love 'pag nawala na ko. gusto ko humanap ka ng taong magmamahal sayo ng higit pa sa binigay ko sayo yung taong mamahalin ka dahil matakaw ka, dahil makulit ka, dahil lagi kang nadadapa. wag mo na kong isipin love. ilang araw na lang magpapahinga na ko ng panghabang buhay. gusto ko muna ngayon dito ka lang sa tabi ko baka ito na kasi ang huling yakap ko sayo, lagi mong tatandaan. mahal na mahal kita higit pa sa buhay ko. ikaw ang nag tama ng buhay ko, binigyan mo ko ng dahilan para lumaban sa sakit na to. love lagi mo kong bibisitahin ha, isumbong mo parin sakin ang mga umaaway sayo. tatakutin ko sila. love sorry talaga kasi kailangan ko ng iwan ka. sorry kasi hindi ko na matutupad yung pangarap natin na makapag diving at mag bungee jumping. sorry kung dadating yung oras na pag gising mo wala ka ng mababasang good morning love rise and shine. sorry love kasi baka wala na ko sa graduation mo. sorry love. i'm really really sorry. mahal na mahal kita. haaaa! love okay na nasabi ko na halika na kain na tayo anong pasalubong mo??"

upon typing and reminiscing those words i stopped for about 20 minutes to cry and have the courage to continue. after hearing those heart breaking words i don't have any words to say even "why?" nothing. at all. i just embrace him and cry 'til i midnight. i didn't let go my tiny arms to his very warm body. january 13, 2008 he already left me nothing but only with his promises, his love, his craziness, his memories, his box that has a note "follow the instructions love. wag matigas ulo ha ^___^"  (oh i really miss those heart melting smile). during his wake i was just sitting beside his coffin. looking at him, hoping that he is in a better place. sometimes i'm just lying at the glass of the coffin wishing that that is just a dream. january 17, 2008 his interment and our 4th and last anniversary. i opened the box with a lot of gifts from him. new year's gift, valentine's gift, birthday gift, graduation gift, christmas gift and anniversary gift. i cried..and cried..and still cried. i am praying for strength that night. i regret those days that i wasn't with him . i hope i could turn back time. sorry guys the camera that i've used to captured jc's memories were  snatched at north edsa. jc my love wherever you are happy 8th year anniversary i love you, i keep on praying for your soul my sweetie thank you for smile last night you smile again like this ^__________^ i'm happy for you because i know you are in a good hand.  

new year's reSOLUTION

every year people seems to be crazy to accomplish things that are impossible to reach. most of them want to have this and that, how can it be possible if you don't have the courage and determination to reach for your goals. i've learned to stay focus and keep the eyes on the goal though there's a lot of distractions in this world. that's why i' ve listed down my goals for 2012  that will surely turn me into a good person, not just for myself, not just for everyone surrounds me but for the country and world. let me share my 2 solutions.

1. to look for an institution that i can serve for, wherein i can share the blessings that i've received. i wanted to extend my help to people even for a small things without looking for something in return. it is such an honor and heart warming to see people thanked and smile on you. 

2. to love mother nature- more. i consider myself as environmentalist -- by heart and soul. i am hoping that everyone would think what i am thinking (i say this in a very calm mode) one is not enough to help our mother nature to survive her enemy-- global warming. unity is the only solution to save and conserve our nature.